


TEN

by Thomas_Fooll



Series: Numbers (Joshler) [6]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Post-Break Up, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 08:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21096683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thomas_Fooll/pseuds/Thomas_Fooll
Summary: AU där Josh kommer till Tyler's rum på morgon och Tyler dör. Hallå.(See the notes)





	TEN

**Author's Note:**

> AU WHERE JOSH COMES TO TYLER'S ROOM IN THE MORNING AND TYLER DIES. HELLO.
> 
> First of all: I am just learning Swedish, so if you're a Swedish person hej, 1) du är vacker och 2) jag ska vara mycket tacksam om du skulle korrigera mina misstag om det finns några. No intent to offend anybody, I love all of you out there.
> 
> Secondly: this is a translation from Russian, you can read the original work here: https://ficbook.net/readfic/7362465
> 
> Thirdly: all the phrases in italics are translated downstairs a the end-notes.
> 
> Lastly: this was inspired by "My blood" but somehow did become a songfic to "Trees" it wasn't 100% intentional but here it is.
> 
> Thank y'all

This night Josh Dun drinks so much that he blacks out right on that stupid armchair right in the middle of the living room. Before that he manages to touch Tyler in such a manner that the boy is, well, ready to give up the two semesters of refusing to acknowledge each others existence, ready to give up right then and there. There's so much less of this nasty alcohol-infused fog in Tyler's head and Josh Dun in Tyler's eyes behaves like a child but this somehow brings up that long-forgotten nostalgic feeling of being essential to somebody. Mark shakes his head, hiding in his corner of the room.

It's just that today there's no Debby Ryan and/or boundaries of some sort and Tyler is almost shaking and. Josh Dun just falls asleep in the armchair in the middle of the living room and that simple action brings Tyler to the verge of tears. Tyler is a junkie fresh out of his painful and long rehab, he struggles and suffers from even breathing normally, having tried his favourite drug again. Tyler just almost tries to quit, hey, how do I burn bridges effectively? He doesn't know all those nano-technologies yet, just because he has never ever before been in such a situation or something like this, yeah.

He just goes to sleep, and this is something from the long gone last year's winter with its -7° and midnight walks just in the underwear. When he does that it's almost dawn, so silly, like he's seventeen again and everything's still weird and Josh Dun in his life is still nothing more but a random acquaintance with his usual desire to live life on the edge. He just goes to sleep and, what makes this time different from all the other parties lately, he knows that this time he definitely could have claimed Josh-fucking-Dun. That's not the way it works, it seems.

hey could you please remind me if there's some effectual way to burn out people from one's life

"Hey".

It's something like, well, six in the morning or around that (Tyler just falls asleep and now - this and he doesn't know if that's a dream or not), and Josh Dun is standing in the doorframe of 'Tyler's' room dressed only in those flowy swimming shorts of his, still a bit damp from jumping into the pool. It's something like sunrise, and now Tyler looks at all of this and wants to kill him. Not because '**it's not how it's done, Dun**' or something, but just because this Josh Dun before him is real, almost sober already and not sleepy in the slightest and this for some reason seems ironic to the point of being a mockery:

you gotta be using me…

Josh Dun peeks inside and says: "Hey. _Får jag kommer i?_" And, well, how can one refuse, even if it's _komma in_, not _kommer i_. Josh Dun tries again, just like in simpler times, and these tries of his are equal to millions of compliments.

_Jag måste vara mer blygsam eller något annat._

"_Ja, kom, vårsagod_".

"_Tack_".

This is talking to this boy in a nutshell. This is discussing the memes at the mutual foreign language lecture, this is arguing about comic book universes. Tyler would have lied if he admitted not to have missed all of this, yeah. Like, as if this was twenty years ago and then there was nothing except for the gray nothingness of the white noise.

Tyler says: _ja, kom, vårsagod_.

And thinks about white noise being gray and white wine being green.

Tyler hears: _tack_.

And thinks about himself being strangely reminiscent of a dog that people adopted from a nursery just to give him back in a day later.

have you ever stolen dogs from the dog boxes?

**Fuck you, Joshua William Dun.**

<strike>William here is a substitute for a swear word, yeah. (So that's why we need our second names).</strike>

Tyler Robert Joseph gives up all of his desires and hopes. Josh stands in the middle of the room for a moment, then pulls down his damp swimming shorts and spoons Tyler with all of his cold muscular body. As if he does it deliberately.

"Beebo decided to be a literal star and took up all the space on the bed when I got up to smoke", he says, "He never let me in again".

Tyler thinks: you're such a whore.

Tyler thinks: am I better?

Like, they didn't fuck, did they? Brendon's, like, loyal to all of his lovers.

Strangely, it doesn't occur to him that he's the only person at this party that Josh is attracted to. Who knows, right?

"_Jag förstår du_".

"That's good".

"_Jag ändå älskar dig_".

"You shouldn't be saying this".

Tyler thinks all these words about his independent actions, but.

"Yeah, you're right".

Josh Dun knows almost everything that Tyler has.

Josh Dun knows all these forbidden tricks, like touching Tyler's cheek, kissing Tyler's wrist, neck and shin, burying his nose in Tyler's collarbones: simple actions, but Tyler forgives all the insults past and present, he's almost shaking again.

So familiar. He missed it so much.

Hello.

Ten steps towards Tyler Joseph squeezed in one hour of their pointless interaction.

"Summer's soon. Debby will return to you from the seaside".

"Don't think about it, don't think, don't think".

"_Jag kan inte_".

"Me too. And I still love you, too".

Ten steps towards Tyler Joseph and one punch to the gut. That simple. Like killing a person. Josh Dun breathes down his neck and Tyler desperately wants to hurt himself for letting him get so close.

He forgets how it is every time.

Hello.

"Why every time everything goes like that?"

"Like what?"

"I burn you out of my life, but the fire is blessed and doesn't hurt you in a bit, ties you to me even closer".

"Don't hurt me. And welcome".

"I didn't need an invitation, _tack_".

Josh Dun laughs in his ear, for him this is all just a giant joke but for Tyler it definitely isn't. The bed is so narrow that he's having hard time moving away, damn the shortage of places to sleep at the parties! (Damn you, Beebo). The clock downstairs strikes seven in the morning.

Tyler knows why Josh is so indifferent.

"_Jag vet det hon lämnade dig trasig_".

"_Du vet ingenting. Du tror det_ I'm a very simple person, but that's not it".

"_Du är inte. Jag talar inte det_".

"What did you mean then?"

"You became hollow, _och nu du känner ingenting_".

"Maybe".

"How do I ever understand you, Josh William Dun?"

"Forget about it".

Tyler hasn't heard that in a while. This expression is like ten beats of his heart, coming down to a strained line at the ends. As though Josh Dun has no other superpowers except for leaving Tyler Robert Joseph confused and forcing an iron rod into the boy's lungs. Tyler had missed this all, yeah, like some sort of a fucking masochistic moron.

Hello.

The clock strikes eight and these are just some basic things in being next to Josh - happy are traditionally careless of time or how does it go, rising sun to the face and short breaths right to his left ear. Tyler's stomach in all tied in those foul knots and the desire to write songs comes out of the blue. That's new.

He thinks: here-here-here it is, the moment you've wanted to experience for so long, he has finally come to you". Bites the inner side of his cheek and prays to all of the gods he knows that Mark leaves him alone in the morning.

He's not even sure that Mark has put the two together yet.

Beebo is aware for sure.

Josh lightly touches his cheek with his nose, and how do you even hold yourself back in this situation? Imagine being face to face with something you can't ever possibly get enough, no limits and strings attached. Now you're your own storytellers for the next couple hours. Now you're responsible for choosing whether you should regret going in headfirst or regret leaving it all untouched.

Tyler for some reason picks the first option. Always have, and now this is the reason for all that's happening in the first place, and then the holy grail of all his problems in the form of broken heart and fucked up health.

He has forgotten what nightmare of a choice that is.

Ten steps towards Tyler Joseph and a sudden interchange of the variables so that stupid little TyJo would think that he has made all these steps. So that he would feel guilty for all the inconveniences and him being too much to handle.

Hello.

~ ;@%÷ /[\b ;@%÷b ;@%÷n

"Don't go. This morning at least. I missed your damned warmth so much, oh God".

"Forget about it at least for a second".

"What if I do and..."

"And?"

And you'll leave as you always do. And then text me several hours later, send some meme as if nothing happened.

Do you remember our first time? I do, and I disturbingly often feel nostalgic about everything that has happened before it.

Hello.

Tyler Joseph blankly stares at the ceiling, letting Josh Dun do anything he wants to do with his body, and it's not because of the fact that being a selfless doll is easier in the context of here and now but rather because he doesn't feel like he needs all of this, his chest aching and cast iron pushed between his ribs. He doesn't need these more-than-leashes/less-than-nooses, doesn't need to be domesticated just to then be left adrift.

Jish, haven't you read our beautiful Antoine de Saint-E?..

Tyler Joseph blankly stares at the boy's curly hair, now dark, just like when they first met, as if all these years of knowing each other have vanished. Josh Dun is like a fucking time machine, bringing out all of the past habits and associations to the certain smells, exciting, boiling Tyler's blood with all his glory. Josh Dun is a fucking realisation of where you've been wrong. It hits Tyler this morning, leaving no room to breathe. Like a goddamn firmament. The hour arrow of the clock in the living room reaches nine.

"TyJo are you with me?"

"_Ja, förlåt_".

"It's alright, you just-"

Seemed a bit off, yeah. Tyler knows that himself, thanks.

"If you want, we can-"

Stop it, no, please don't stop, that's the worst thing you can do right now.

"Shut up and continue".

"Are you sure?"

"Are you my clone or something to be that hesitant, _mitt blod_?"

It's Tyler's turn to laugh. He hasn't laughed sincerely before Josh's eyes for so long. It's something new, the one that's well overlooked old, yeah.

Hello.

Josh Dun bites Tyler's lower lip so hard that the blood comes out, captures Tyler's legs with his knees. Now Tyler can't escape, and he for some reason with some sort of sadness thinks about this (or is it yesterday) night, when it was easy to be gloomy and just as easy to forget about it around other people (like when bloody Beebo was entertaining everyone by playing all of those cheesy songs and showing Josh singing them while being on the verge of blacking out, and when Mark allowed them to get him just a little bit too drunk with "golden love-songs, come on, Marko, it's Thomas Anders!" in the background).

"Are you high from that feeling?"

"Shut up-shut up-shut up".

"_Jag kommer inte att låta dig gå_".

"_Låt mig inte gå_".

  
"_Jag älskar dig, Tyler, ändå älskar dig_".

"_Jag tror dig inte_".

"That's the truth".

"Then why do you leave?"

Every such morning. Tyler is in some kind of a loop, like someone has once and for all ruined the development of a timeline of his life. Someone? Josh Dun, yeah. The boy that likes to mix every type of boose he sees at the party into some freaky cocktail with some equally freaky name.

A year and a half ago, when they get ready for their first mutual party, he texts Tyler: "Buy some lemons and honey, please, that's gonna be Bee Movie, lol", and at this moment the life of the latter boy starts falling apart piece by piece.

A year and a half ago, at their first mutual party, Tyler falls asleep in this exact house on a sofa in the living room just before eight in the morning.

Today the clock right across the sofa strike ten, Josh scratches Tyler's back with his evenly cut fingernails, leaving deep crimson scratchmarks, presses his body to Tyler's.

Tyler touches his muscles beneath the dark skin, whispering: "This is deltoid, this is tricep". Shut up-shut up-shut up. Josh Dun, as if this is some well rehearsed script, bites onto his collarbone one last time, gets up and walks out of the room.

I've missed this <strike>you</strike> so much.

Hello.

**Author's Note:**

> Får jag kommer i - can I come in?  
Jag måste vara mer blygsam eller något annat - I need to be more modest or something else  
Ja, kom, vårsagod - yes, come, please  
Tack du - thank you  
Jag förstår du - I understand you  
Jag ändå älskar dig - I still love you  
Jag kan inte - I can't  
Jag vet det hon lämnade dig trasig - I know that she left you broken  
Du vet ingenting. Du tror det - you know nothing. You think that  
Du är inte. Jag talar inte det - you aren't. I didn't say that.  
Och nu du känner ingenting - and now you feel nothing  
Ja, förlåt - yeah, sorry.  
mitt blod - my blood.  
Jag kommer inte att låta dig gå - I'm not going to let you go.  
Låt mig inte gå - don't let me go  
Jag älskar dig, Tyler, ändå älskar dig - I love you Tyler, still love you.  
Jag tror dig inte - I don't believe you.


End file.
